New Years day.
Strangling children, masturbation and fine single mats.
Cracked I may be, but don't worry, I let the light in.
I may hate you, but don't take it personally, I hate everyone in varying degrees - even myself!
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
May 14 at 12:58PM
Samantha Grey : I was laughing throughout the entire video ;)
May 14 at 4:13PM
I don't have any nagging ailments nor do any of my friends or immediate family at the moment. I'm not taking any drugs prescribed or otherwise. The weather is about right for the time of the year. The roof hasn't fallen off my house. I have no hiking trips planned but will be going to visit my sister in May. I do not foresee any change in the level of reviewing I do on FAR. I don't have a bunch of new photos to bore people with but I may enter one of my drawings in a contest. My thoughts aren't with any of you for any reason whatsoever. I have no one except myself to congratulate for their greatness but would like to acknowledge Jarios for thanking me for not voting. I don't feel humble in the slightest. I haven't bought any new equipment of late and am not planning to. I have a hole in my sock so must hide it at the rear of the draw lest 'er indoors throws it away. I have no exhibitions or galleries displaying my work. I haven't been praying for anyone and don't plan to bother god in the near future. I'm up to date with my work. I have no plans to up sticks and move house. I'm not suffering from any mental illnesses nor have I ever - Sinbackkk shut the feck up. I have no jokes to tell. My computer hasn't crashed nor have I accidently wiped my hard drive. For a change I'm reasonably pleased with the number of entries in one of my contests. I have no plans to abuse the humble apostrophe.
Is this normal behaviour?
April 20 at 7:05PM
Keri Harrish : I'm not sure if this is the definition of normal. I mean keeping a sock with hole in it sounds a little on the weird side...
April 20 at 10:26PM
Skyangel02 : Congratulations on being as content and healthy as I am. As for not having your thoughts with anyone, obviously I need to do something about that so I am on your mind. Maybe I will haunt you in your dreams. That might stop you sleeping for fear of dreaming about me. Then you will really have to work on not thinking about me.
I guarantee you will think about me before you go to sleep.
My work is displayed world wide because I am overly wonderful and then some.
Sorry I missed your contest. Please donate my entry fee to the winner.
April 21 at 4:16AM
Sange : I think that sums up FAR in a Nutshell!
Seriously this is like
Forever Always Revealing one's thought, joke or accomplishment of the day....
April 21 at 8:45AM
Flight_of_Raven : Your spelling of behavior is quite abnormal! Now that being said, I should point out that I quite appreciate the personal jab with "I do not forsee any change in the level of reviewing I do on FAR." You called my bluff(s) -- Wait a second... you weren't thinking of anyone! My bad, guess I'm just an ego-inflated snobsnore!
April 21 at 8:57AM
Skyangel02 : Hey Kevin, Behaviour is the proper correct English spelling of the word. It is the Americanized version which is abnormal and incorrect.
Americans like to leave out letters because they can't be bothered writing an extra one.
April 21 at 7:21PM
Tellust : Brilliant comments
April 22 at 4:33AM
Flight_of_Raven : **sigh** Sky I was making a joke about what's "normal" and playing up on American arrogance.
April 23 at 12:08AM
Skyangel02 : I think American arrogance is normal for arrogant Americans. ;-)
April 24 at 9:09PM
Top ranked Albertan member Keri Harrish has revealed she is bored witless with profile thoughts, writes Crusty Japseye.
The news will come as little surprise to the many time served members who have been party to a number of inane thoughts involving illness, pets, days out, hiking trips and Easter good wishes from so called newbies.
"I've had enough of this crap" Harrish told FAR News, "I simply didn't want to know Bobby Sausage had posted 78 images of vegetables after his recent visit to an outdoor market in Marrakech. As for Stacey Crumsell banging on about her kitty which she constantly dresses up in stupid freaking bonnets to photograph.... And if DDT plans another special trip to Disneyland with his new bird in order to split up with her.... heaven help me I'll strangle him".
In the last six weeks alone newbies have written 437 updates detailing the medication they take. Eighty seven per cent of members polled by FAR News are widely believed to be disinterested in newbie's ailments.
Fewer still declared they had any appetite for thoughts that involved newbie's social plans, which top ranked mixed media photographer Sinbackk described as "nauseating" from his luxury condo on Methusala Island. "I'm simply not interested that Analart98 is happy with her new lens", confided the Backkker, "and I definitely don't give a monkeys ass about whatever tedious, deeply tragic social engagements she is involved in. Why would I possibly want to know that she is planning to visit the zoo?"
FAR ace Echo7 wasn't contactable for a quote but a status update on his profile indicated he was eating crumpets fried in lard while watching re runs of Captain Pugwash with his goats in bed as FAR News went to press.
But it isn't all bad news, Badger contacted FAR News via Twatter with news that he had bought a new car last month.
April 5 at 6:12PM
Mollie213 : Best read I've had since I've been on FAR
April 5 at 8:58PM
Skyangel02 : What do you mean you are not interested in peoples ailments? Don't you know it's the best way to get free drugs? Just tell the doc about all your ailments and he will give you all kinds of things to cure them and if that doesn't work he will give you something stronger.
The drug addicts are addicted to proving how sick they are so they can get their drugs legally and get plenty of attention from all those who pray for them and pretend to care.
I guess you are not interested in knowing I was feeding bread to Bettongs last night. Cute critters.
My other news flash is that cheap toilet paper makes your bottom itchy. Never use the recycled stuff. ;-)
April 5 at 10:17PM
Badger : It's fascinating to read about your feeding those micro roos Ms Angel, they could be a possible solution to your itchy ring problem - have you considered keeping one of the little blighters in the dunnie?
They're a lot softer than even the most luxurious of papers and a lot cheaper too.
April 6 at 10:41AM
donkeyoatey : I wanna hear about the car....
April 6 at 1:43PM
After a letter was received late last night by Warwickshire Police their investigators believe MGTF, alias hairdressing heir Jearvais Sassoon, 50, may have brutally slaughtered the missing FAR Away Gang after a dispute over a the excessive use of first person singular nominative pronouns.
A nationwide police search was launched after their Gulfstream IV business Jet was discovered abandoned at Coventry Airport with blood and claw marks on the upholstery. A bloodstained blouse and shoes believed to belong to Madeline Groswangler, 29, was found by sniffer dogs near a derelict car factory in Longbridge early this morning.
In a statement, Chief Constable of Warwickshire Police Andy Truncheon told FAR News: "The letter was a rambling 103 page diatribe written by Sassoon in which he expressed his hatred for members of the gang. In it, he makes repeated paranoid assertions that they think he is a piece of solipsistic shit", before adding, "he further maintains he is fed up with being sent to Coventry as it is a grim place, owning a car that dissolves at the first sign of moisture and that he never gets a go with the girls. He also mentions that his tyres were slashed by Badger last week".
"We're looking at places Sassoon would know," Chief Constable Truncheon said. "The trouble is this there are more than 2000 hairdressing salons in Warwickshire and he could be anywhere". He added, "we are confident we will apprehend him soon, we have phone taps in place for both the AA and RAC as it is believed he may be driving one of the derelict cars built in Longbridge".
It is thought that Thames Valley Police have recovered an ice pick with rubber marks from a house in Windsor and that a man is helping them with their enquiries regarding Criminal Damage.
Members of the public are advised not to approach any blue cars.
January 14 at 11:49AM
Skyangel02 : Nice to see you boys playing cops and robbers or criminals, whatever the case may be. ;-)
January 14 at 3:26PM
Sinbackkk : Gonna mute him Blow? I would!
January 14 at 7:32PM
Flight_of_Raven : Oh this isn't cops and robbers -- it's called trolling. AND IT'S A ART!
January 15 at 1:49AM
The true identity of the mysterious Anonymous one has been revealed by an international gang of FAR members.
The man posing as Anonymous One is none other than Sinbackkk, a 49 year old child hating drop out who lived alone in a trailer until he was taken into care by an unsuspecting woman he duped into becoming his girlfriend with the offer of showing her his etchings. It is understood the Backkker dons a rubber gimp mask and jewel encrusted codpiece when he masquerades as Anoymous One writes FAR news's Crusty Japseye.
"The clues were there from way back", said twenty one year old Derek Daughters, leader of the gang who unmasked the Anonymous One. "I knew there was something weird about him when he started moaning. Like, everyone knows FAR is only for blissfully happy and talented photographers. True dat!"
Sinbackkk, who has evaded beatings and several assassination attempts by FAR's Department 37, was finally brought to justice by chance.
The so called FAR Away Gang were holidaying Florida when they stumbled into a disused love dungeon where they saw a shadowy figure in a posture collar and pony harness sitting at a computer surrounded by butt plugs, titanium oxballs and whips.
After several scary moments and a prolonged chase by gang member Madeline Groswangler the gimp faced man fell onto a skateboard and careered blindly into a pillory. It was then that fellow gang member Dilton Colorado finally cornered the Backkker and unmasked him.
An Unrepentant Sinbackk wearing testicle cuffs and a humbler was paraded before the press this morning by goons belonging to FARs department 37 but refused to answer their questions. He was heard to say "I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those tourists, I knew I should never have moved south," as he was dragged away for corrective treatment.
As FAR news went to press it is understood that the FAR Away Gang were seen boarding a private jet laden with cattle prods belonging to internet supremo Tom Ens heading for Warwickshire, England.
January 13 at 6:53PM
Sinbackkk : We all know the Brits are prone to embellishment. There were no butt plugs involved.
January 13 at 7:07PM
Skyangel02 : You really should write a running commentary at Fan Story. This is very amusing and entertaining.
January 13 at 7:47PM
Sinbackkk : No it's not!!!
January 13 at 8:23PM
Sinbackkk : and I will mute ANYONE who finds humor in this...
January 13 at 8:24PM
Skyangel02 : You are a riot Sinbackkk. If you mute me you will miss out on my one word reviews. Tom hasn't slapped my wrist for them yet. I am wondering how long I will get away with it? Blame Badger. LOL ;-)
January 13 at 9:17PM
Anonymous One : Bastard! You owe me 48 Bucks!
January 13 at 10:01PM
webster : Fan freakin tastic
January 13 at 10:16PM
Time to air this again!
December 5 at 5:53PM
Skyangel02 : How do you get graphics and video onto the comments ? Please teach me.
December 5 at 7:41PM
Life is but a dream. : HOLY LIFTIN....this is hysterical...I loved it, Loved IT, LOVED IT. Thank you
December 6 at 12:31AM
MGTF Blue : Very funny yes, for what it is worth I agree with the reviewer, it is a poor picture of the mammoth and the attitude of the other guy is pretentious.
December 6 at 8:28AM
We have the same problem with zebras and pelicans in the UK.
October 24 at 10:39AM
Happy Snappy : Bob the Builder should build them an underpass.
October 24 at 4:50PM
Doris1022 : another reason to hunt deer.
October 24 at 5:12PM
It has been confirmed that a woman was detained yesterday after FAR's crack unit, Department 37, carried out a raid on a so called 'Copy Pasta' reviewer's home in the New Jersey area as part of operation Cudgel, FAR's new pro active initiative to combat bad reviewing.
It's believed the woman held was preparing to use a general purpose 'Suit You Sir' type cut and paste review that is so well written that it would fool most experts, writes Cinnamon Edwards.
Witness, Ted Fairhope said, "I saw several heavily armed men wearing balaclavas and python boots raid the house, the gunfire lasted for several minutes, then I saw the men bludgeoning a woman and bundling her and what looked like a laptop into a dark SUV. There were more than 20 shots; it was brilliant".
It's understood firearms and ammunition were recovered at the scene but Department 37 have refused to confirm yet whether they have seized every copy of the review.
Fred Tomlinson, lawyer for the review cheat currently detained by Department 37 told FAR News, "Any document on my client's computer that looks like a review is not actually a review, it is just a simple crib note she wrote to help her herself write better reviews."
Top ranked photographer Shirley Bubble contacted us today to say that she is, "spitting feathers". "I pay good money to get enough reviews and rosettes to realise my dream of being a top photographer. I feel cheated by the site: they have robbed me of a potential review."
But a defiant Tom said, "It is one of the most potent reviews we have ever seen. The whole ranking system could have collapsed had the member used it; we had to act fast and hard". He added, "It could have proved financially very damaging for the site too".
May 27 at 3:11PM
Sinbackkk : Well, Professor of the Poison Pen, it appears your ace reporter Cinnamon has one of her facts incorrect- New Jersey is not in Canada.
May 27 at 3:37PM
Badger : Neither FAR News nor Cinnamon are ever wrong sir, New Jersey most certainly IS in Canada. May we suggest you steal a more up to date map of the colonies.
May 27 at 5:25PM
Sinbackkk : Upon your advice, I did a google map search. Apparently, Canada doesn't even exist. Not surprising. However, I did come across this...
European Terror Alert Status Update
British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated", or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when the tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly And Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade A Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Now you may act yourself, what does this have to do with Canada? Absolutely nothing, but they export great brownies.
May 27 at 6:12PM
Badger : Fortunately we can all sleep in peace tonight and not have worry about raised states of alertness thanks to the American troops that protect us. God save the USA!
May 28 at 5:10PM
Fan Art Review Bosses are refusing to publish any more photographs of temptress May amid fears they are causing Male Pattern Blindness, writes Cinnamon Edwards.
The site has declined to put out naked images that could prove beyond any doubt that May has a fine pair of buttocks. "I have seen the pictures and in my opinion their release would cause mayhem, the male half of FAR would simultaneously down their tools, the naked shots are just TOO graphic", warned FAR supremo Tom.
Dr Rory Egret, head of FARs Health & Welfare Committee told FAR News, "Male Pattern Blindness is caused by over reviewing certain photos and poses a serious health risk to male members", before adding, "we're seeing many FAR members with failing eyesight already and fear a great number could go totally blind if more pictures are published".
Calls are mounting for the images to be released amid Conspiracy theories that May's shapely full moon was faked in Photoshop.
"Many members are demanding to see photographic proof that May has a backside you could eat your dinner off, it's our right to see her arse", said Kevin from London via Twitter.
Bill from Kentucky told FAR News, "It is completely un American to deny us our rights, many people out there believe it's a fake - it's vital we all get a better look".
May 17 at 7:23PM
ducilla : LOL..still smiling!!!!!I love a good conspiracy but not as much as May.....
May 18 at 12:58PM
To align itself with the UNESCO International Convention Against Doping and pave the way for High Dynamic Range photography to be held as a demonstration event at the 2016 Rio Olympics FAR is set to introduce dope testing for all competition winners after a recent study revealed that drug cheats may hold a creative advantage over so called 'straight laced' contestants.
In a statement, Budd Pricker, head of FARs new Anti Doping Committee said, "this is a grass roots problem that needs nipping in the bud. There should be no forgiveness, drug cheats have a lifelong advantage after taking illegal psychoactive substances", before adding, "we hope to catch cheats by offering contest winners the choice of a box of snickers instead of member dollars", writes Cinnamon Edwards.
Forty three year old Massachusetts reader and part time baking enthusiast, Melody Christmas said, "This is terrific news, it is just what my boyfriend needs, he is lethargic enough at the best of times, waiting for the UPS man to bring his winnings will give him something to focus on."
The bold move will be funded by a substantial grant from the World Anti Doping Agency announced WADA president John Fahey yesterday. Although it is unlikely to have any significant effect on the illegal importation of fine cigars from Cuba or the balance of trade with Mexico it is thought that the new snickers standard, set to be introduced sometime in the New Year could receive additional funding from Washington's D.E.A.
As FAR News went to press interweb boss Tom, who is said to be privately delighted with the funding deal was seen exiting a Cadillac showroom in a sparkly new Manley Black Escalade ESV Platinum Edition with spinner hubcaps and lowered suspension.
May 5 at 10:20AM
Echo7 : Carl...this is excellent & shows your intelligence. Its genious mate.
May 5 at 6:23PM
In a surprise move today a US based fine art sales web site has secured a Supreme Court ruling that they own the letters f, a, & r when used consecutively. The ruling confirms that nefarious interweb supremo Tom Ens has sole rights to use any words or acronyms that contain what experts are calling the far string.
In a communique issued from his secret bunker on the Eastern Seabord Mr Ens said, "I was left with no other option because my members are easily confused and would believe that words like fanfaronade and farfetchedness are a part of my farraginous empire of interweb review sites".
Confounded wordsmiths are said to be working overtime rewriting dictionaries across the English speaking world. "It's been a lean year for words," said Sue Prendagast, Webster's Dictionary lexicographic specialist, "and we were struggling to find new ones that would justify a reprint, this is no foofaraw, we have well over two hundred new words to develop over the coming months", writes Crusty Japseye.
The audacious Supreme Court ruling has led to unexpected protests across Eastern Europe tonight as thousands of Thomas's gather in Warsaw's Victory Square amid fears that Ens will seize the name Tom.
In separate news Police are investigating a box of dog turds addressed to the FAR News editorial team found this morning at an Edinburgh Royal Mail Sorting Office. "We think there may be a connection with our new desktop wallpapers" said FAR News spokesperson Doris Snuffle before adding, "dog shit is as Scottish as bad breath - a symbol of all that is great about their nation, it would have made a great paperweight".
May 2 at 5:52PM
Sinbackkk : Well apparently we have a member who fancies himself quite the satirist. I personally find nothing funny about your lame attempt at humor. Have you no compassion or feelings for the emotions of others? Have you not a shred of human decency for our Scottish brethren? I will be private messaging the thought police of this site and informing them of my utter disgust with this personal attack upon myself and others of FARce.
Forget the private message. Tom, I demand that this thought be removed immediately. AKA 8 ball it now!
Cheers, Honey B!
May 2 at 7:41PM
Sinbackkk : Hmmmm,Interesting favoritism or fear.
May 2 at 8:05PM
Badger : We are an equal opportunities publication sir and as such view all members with the same disapprobation but have a special contempt for the vertically challenged. If we disgust you, please accept both our sincere apologies and unprintable advice about sex and solitude.
May 3 at 12:45PM
Sinbackkk : I like the way you have written this. I like your witty response. I like the way you have composed your words into one cohesive thought. I like that this is still on profile thoughts after 2 whole days. Thanks for sharing.
May 4 at 12:27PM
Echo7 : Lol brilliant Carl, Funny funny stuff
May 4 at 3:43PM
In a shock revelation top ranked FAR artist Shirley Bubble announced to FAR News yesterday that she will stop thanking reviewers.
The multi talented photographer has spent the best part of her membership telling fans "I can't thank you enough for my abilities" but yesterday she revealed that on reflection she had thanked them enough now.
"My team of experts have analysed the figures and its blatantly clear my fans have been more than amply thanked," she graciously told FAR News's Hector Shackleton, before adding "If anything, they've been thanked too much since I won the 'Self Effacing Prigg' contest last year. It's high time they began thanking me for my talent - after all, who's posting all the best stuff here?"
The twenty nine year old mother of three, 38-24-36, is also set to retract numerous selfless comments made over the years.
"In the past I said that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for the reviews my fans give me. This isn't strictly true, you have to admit it, I am a bit special. I have also said that I don't believe I am worthy the many six star ratings I get. For the record, I know I am."
Bubble's final thank you is set to be written next Monday.
April 18 at 4:38PM
Sinbackkk : You have no idea how much I would love to add to this...
April 18 at 4:59PM
Sinbackkk : This brings to mind- according to one of my latest reviews, apparently I have to work on MY "snapshot" photography. :D
April 18 at 5:08PM
In a surprise move FAR has appointed a new Czar to champion the rights of the muted and ensure their safe passage to special furnace based camps. The newly apointed Czar for the muted, Sinbad Croft, has been given special powers to help the outcasts start a new life.
"While regrettable, we simply cannot allow these people to spread their poisonous shit all over the place. We have evidence, which I am minded to follow, that the muted are responsible for loads of fetid hot air that infects the whole web site with feculence", said Mr Croft. He added "It takes real gonads receive a less than five star review."
Ratings chaser Enor Hatfield of Texas, America, told FAR news "I admire FAR's stance on the muted. They are a sick and cruel race. Their freedom of expression would almost certainly break the internet if Wikileaks were to hear of it."
However, the prospect of a legal challenge at the United Nations by so called human rights activists could stop the move at a time when many members are starting to wobble over the rating system after realising it is a very stupid idea.
April 5 at 5:21PM
avmurray : Only you Badger could have come up with something like this. LOL
April 6 at 3:38PM
ducilla : Enor hatfield! !..!!..LMAO
April 7 at 11:04AM
Fife police were today investigating the mystery disappearance of over a million trout from the holding pens of a Kirkcaldy fish farm last night.
Detectives fear the thefts could be part of a Ninja terrorist plot to disrupt FARs reviewing structure.
"It's absolutely baffling", said Norma Graham head of the Fife Police as FAR news went to press. "We are not ruling out the possibility that this is a highly organised terrorist plot" before adding "the cunning gang may have used a night time photo shoot as the perfect cover for the theft".
Interviews with a cat in the vicinity of the theft have so far led police nowhere but after an anonymous tip off it is thought that police are looking for two members of the notorious Seven Gang described as a midget and man with hair where he ought to have clothes seen riding a llama.
After a door to door search proved fruitless police are working on the theory that the trout may have been taken out of the country by helicopter during the early hours of this morning.
It is not thought the thefts are linked to the disappearance of the notorious Old Trout Pub in Windsor fifteen years ago.
March 23 at 4:45PM
Echo7 : Rofl...Carl thats seriousley the funniest thing i have read this year. Your a genious mate. Far too funny =D.
March 23 at 5:03PM
Sinbackkk : LMAO! I just peed my panties! An i swear i don't wear them!
March 23 at 5:23PM
ducilla : LOL.. The beginning of a long and powerful group of novels shadowing the great "Ninja". Looking for the tell tale signs of his movements amongst the ruins of fishbait!...
March 23 at 11:30PM
manicowl : That's funny living in Dunfermline Fife I thought I would have heard of this but not a cheep in my opinion they should have called in the Black watch they are very fishy.
January 21 at 8:38AM